A Sport All To One's Own

Alex had a very bad day at school last week, and I was surprised because he adores his new school and has been thriving. He was angry and uncooperative, a sign that something wasn't right. Thinking over the day, I realized his mood swing had begun that morning, at his before school karate lesson.

Alex has been taking karate for over a year, and the lessons have helped his balance and strength considerably. I can not rave enough about the martial arts to help children with brain injuries. At this last lesson, Izzy joined Alex for the first time. She has not been interested in karate, but has hit a stage of life where she is ready to begin. She is incredibly agile, has excellent balance and is an all around amazing athlete. She was the star of the lesson. Alex's heart was broken. He acted out in the lesson and I had to have him sit twice, to calm down. He acted out on the way to school, and I made him sit again to calm down. So, it was no wonder he continued to act out in school.

Alex napped after school and I never mentioned his poor behavior in school that day. I let him play and have quiet time at home, while I tried to figure out how to approach this new problem. Alex's self esteem was devastated when he witnessed the ease with which his sister mastered karate, when he has been working at it for over a year. I finally decided to talk about it with both children at bedtime. When I brought up the karate class, Alex said,"Mommy, I'm not good at anything. Izzy is good at everything." He was finally able to articulate the problem, which is pretty incredible for a 3 year old.

We then played a game, where each child told the other what the other was good at. Izzy went first. I asked Izzy what she thought Alex was good at. She was so thrilled to tell him: karate, running, drawing, being a nice brother. Alex put his head in his pillow. He was proud and sad at the same time, because he still felt he wasn't as good at these things as Izzy. Then it was Alex's turn. There is something about praising another person that truly inflates the speaker's self-esteem. He told Izzy that she is a fish in the water, that she is a very fast runner, that she is also a nice sister. It was an amazing evening. I snuggled with both of them as they fell asleep. When it was Alex's turn, we talked more about what he is good at. He wanted to hear it repeated that he was good at things. I explain to the kids all the time that one may be fast, but the other can run long distances; one may be good in the water, but the other is good on the tricycle. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

The next day, we talked about whether Alex could handle having Izzy in his karate class. It was, after all, his sport, and if he wanted to keep it that way, I would have to find another time of day for Izzy to have a lesson. At first Alex said he did not want Izzy in his class, but Izzy piped up that she wanted to join him. I explained that since they are best friends, they should find it fun to be together in a class. Finally, Alex agreed to let Izzy try it one more time and to then decide if he wanted her in class or not.

The next day at class, I cheated slightly. I kept Izzy in my lap for the first part of class while Alex got settled in and was the center of attention. Then, I let Izzy joined. She did well for about 10 minutes and then lost interest. I also joined the class, to participate with the kids. Alex maintained his poise, and was completely happy at the end of the class. We had one major success. Not sure if it will last, it may need to be readdressed, but for now, we had a success and the more successes in the bank, the better we will be prepared for the downturns.