One day at our YMCA, I noticed a woman teaching ISR (Infant Swim Resource) swim lessons and at first glance, the lesson seemed a bit rough. The child was crying as he was being thrown backwards in his clothes into the water. He would pop up to the surface and float, then turn onto his tummy and swim, then roll over and float and then turn over again, swim to the edge and get ready to pull himself out of the water. What I didn't realize was that this child was at the end of his ISR swim lesson training and was wearing his winter clothes while his instructor threw him in the water, to simulate falling into the water by accident. This child was going to survive an accidental fall.
Then one day, after several months of daily swimming with my own children, I threw Alex up into the air. I thought he had been learning to swim with me over the winter, but when he landed in the water that day, he sank to the very bottom and stayed there. I pulled him out by his foot and realized that if he were to fall into the many bodies of water that surround our house and daily lives, he would not survive. So, I enrolled Izzy and Alex in ISR swim lessons. We were very worried about how Alex would adapt to these challenging, 10-minute daily lessons, and so we let Izzy start for two weeks so that Alex could witness her success and want to join her. Starting Alex after Izzy turned out to be a good decision and by the time his turn came to take lessons, he was jumping out of his skin for "his turn".
Our swim instructor is very attune to the children she teaches. Each child is taught according to his ability and to how he is adapting to the lessons. She has slightly modified the lessons she gives Izzy to accommodate Alex's different learning style. Izzy jumps into everything and just goes. Alex, more cerebral and deliberate, needs to understand what he is being asked to do. He needs to take very small steps and do them repeatedly, even when it appears he may have mastered that particular step, before he is ready to move on to the next step. Our instructor listens to us and to Alex and has adapted in a way that makes Alex feel comfortable. He is being challenged, but it isn't scary. Although he still cries sometimes during a lessons, it is only briefly and not out of fear, but is his way of showing his emotion.
The incredible result is that after just two lessons, Alex is floating on his back very relaxed, and then she he turns over to swim to the wall (head under water), he does so, with eyes open, very bravely. The instructor provides only the most necessary physical support to allow Alex to feel that he is doing all this swimming on his own. In another few lessons, he will be doing it entirely on his own. When I was instructing him, if I even let go of him with one hand, he had a small meltdown. Now, he is swimming without support and believes he can do it.
I recommend ISR to every parent I meet. Many parents are afraid of the lessons because they see children cry sometimes. I see children cry sometimes in the Y lessons, which aren't even the least bit challenging to the children. And by the end of the ISR sessions (4-6 weeks, depending on the child, of daily 10 minute lessons), the children are water safe. Some can swim with strokes the full length of the pool and the younger ones (6 months) may only float. But none of them will sink to the bottom of the pool when they are thrown in. For children like Alex with physical disabilities, the swim lessons are even more important.
For more info on ISR swimming, visit their website at www.infantswim.com.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Karate, Karate, Karate
I can not say enough good things about the benefits of martial arts for children. In recent weeks, we have seen some major breakthroughs for Alex, most notable in his balance. All children would benefit from pursuing a martial art, but children with balance issues (and I have read, also children with ADHD and other attention issues) benefit considerably. Until a couple weeks ago, Alex was unable to bend both knees forward to pick up something or do a frog jump. His left leg always bent in, which made his balance poor and did nothing to strengthen the leg. Alex's karate instructor realized Alex's posture when bending would prevent him from moving forward in his karate. So, he began a series of isolated drills and stretches and repeated practice to get the bent leg to stay straight. Once Alex felt the correct posture a few times, he understood what he had been doing wrong and began to self-correct. He now bends correctly all the time. He is so proud of himself for this major accomplishment that he practices it frequently, further strengthening the leg and the synapses of the brain.
I don't know if there has been any research on the frequency and timing of therapy in disabled children, but our observation is that when we do therapy (like karate and swimming) in the morning, Alex is in good spirits. He then naps, and during his sleeping period, he synthesizes the morning's lessons (research HAS been done on the benefits of sleep for children to process what they learn). When we try therapies in the afternoon, Alex is cranky, even if he has napped. He has a small morning window in which he is well-rested and able to happily participate in lessons. For children with physical limitations, their caloric expenditure is many times a child without these limitations, and so they are exhausted by early afternoon (or lunch time, even, in Alex's case). Knowing this, we take extra care and attention to scheduling Alex's daily activities so that we have success.
I don't know if there has been any research on the frequency and timing of therapy in disabled children, but our observation is that when we do therapy (like karate and swimming) in the morning, Alex is in good spirits. He then naps, and during his sleeping period, he synthesizes the morning's lessons (research HAS been done on the benefits of sleep for children to process what they learn). When we try therapies in the afternoon, Alex is cranky, even if he has napped. He has a small morning window in which he is well-rested and able to happily participate in lessons. For children with physical limitations, their caloric expenditure is many times a child without these limitations, and so they are exhausted by early afternoon (or lunch time, even, in Alex's case). Knowing this, we take extra care and attention to scheduling Alex's daily activities so that we have success.
Monday, February 21, 2011
The Pemberton 50K
The Pemberton 50K in Scottsdale, AZ kicked off Team Baby Alex Foundation's 2011 season. The race was awesome. Such an incredible group of people who race ultras--very low key. Ultra running legend Pam Reed raced, and several of the top ultra runners either ran or manned the aid stations. Since I had just finished reading Pam Reed's book, it was a thrill to see her in person. She is tiny, and I believe one of the ways to save your joints if you are an ultra runner is to avoid carrying any extra weight!
Alex and Izzy came out to see me off and met me half way through. Alex loves a race. He was chanting "Go Mommy Go" at the start. Izzy was angry that I wasn't running with her in tow. The race started at 5pm and around 6:30 I turned on my headlamp. Running at night is a bit surreal and lots of fun. I finished in 5:58, and had a great time. We then spent the a week in AZ training in the McDowell Mountains, in hot, dry weather. Returned a bit achy and tired, but strong. It's snowing today in the northeast and I can't remember why we live here.
The best part of the week was seeing the kids blossom on the trails. Izzy is turning out to be an exceptional runner. We took the kids to the trails every day and let them dictate our speed and length. On the first day, we had to drag Izzy off the trail because we were all starving for breakfast. She would have kept going. Alex loves to say now that we are going for a "trail run". We took them to a nature hike that had pictures and samples of the flora and fauna and they learned a little about the AZ environment. Education trip.
Alex and Izzy came out to see me off and met me half way through. Alex loves a race. He was chanting "Go Mommy Go" at the start. Izzy was angry that I wasn't running with her in tow. The race started at 5pm and around 6:30 I turned on my headlamp. Running at night is a bit surreal and lots of fun. I finished in 5:58, and had a great time. We then spent the a week in AZ training in the McDowell Mountains, in hot, dry weather. Returned a bit achy and tired, but strong. It's snowing today in the northeast and I can't remember why we live here.
The best part of the week was seeing the kids blossom on the trails. Izzy is turning out to be an exceptional runner. We took the kids to the trails every day and let them dictate our speed and length. On the first day, we had to drag Izzy off the trail because we were all starving for breakfast. She would have kept going. Alex loves to say now that we are going for a "trail run". We took them to a nature hike that had pictures and samples of the flora and fauna and they learned a little about the AZ environment. Education trip.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
School Comparison
Choosing the right school for a child is difficult, especially when they are little and have trouble expressing what they like and don't like about a teacher or environment. Alex is such an agreeable child that he does his best to get along with everyone and be happy no matter the situation. It took a horrible experience with his montessori school this fall for us to realize that we needed to pay closer attention to Alex and Izzy's verbal and non-verbal cues in regard to their school setting, babysitters, playdates, etc. We left them in that school too long, hoping things would get better and suffered a very difficult few months following their withdrawal as we tried to make up for the damage done. Although I still support montessori methods in theory, I see how those methods could be used as a blanket to cover for poor teachers. When I found Izzy crying on a bench at her montessori school, and was told that she was crying because she was being forced to sit on the bench and would not be allowed to play with the other children until she put her shoes on by herself (at 21 months), and was told that montessori supports children doing things for themselves, I realized this school had completely misinterpreted Maria Montessori's message.
Last week we visited another school. I had to drag Izzy into the car because when I mentioned "school" she completely melted down, terrified of another bad experience. But, when I finally got both children in the door of this new school, they immediately relaxed. Izzy spent a few minutes apart from everyone as she assessed the situation. Alex jumped right in. By the end, they were totally unconcerned about whether I might leave them there for the day. They were happy. On the ride home, they both said they loved the school and wanted to attend. This was a huge change from the fall, when Izzy cried every day when I dropped her off and every day when I picked her up.
One thing I like about our new school is that the classes are small, no more than about 10 students per class. Additionally, it combines montessori methods with traditional play and teaching. It seems many private schools are adopting this method, of using the best of montessori with other more traditional teacher-centered instruction, to make the environment more comfortable for the children, especially the youngest ones. Although I am a former teacher with an Masters in Education, I am not an expert. I look at education through the eyes of my children now. They are bright, motivated children who crave knowledge. So, we are working as a team this time, evaluating schools (babysitters, friends, etc) together, to make the best decisions we can.
Last week we visited another school. I had to drag Izzy into the car because when I mentioned "school" she completely melted down, terrified of another bad experience. But, when I finally got both children in the door of this new school, they immediately relaxed. Izzy spent a few minutes apart from everyone as she assessed the situation. Alex jumped right in. By the end, they were totally unconcerned about whether I might leave them there for the day. They were happy. On the ride home, they both said they loved the school and wanted to attend. This was a huge change from the fall, when Izzy cried every day when I dropped her off and every day when I picked her up.
One thing I like about our new school is that the classes are small, no more than about 10 students per class. Additionally, it combines montessori methods with traditional play and teaching. It seems many private schools are adopting this method, of using the best of montessori with other more traditional teacher-centered instruction, to make the environment more comfortable for the children, especially the youngest ones. Although I am a former teacher with an Masters in Education, I am not an expert. I look at education through the eyes of my children now. They are bright, motivated children who crave knowledge. So, we are working as a team this time, evaluating schools (babysitters, friends, etc) together, to make the best decisions we can.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Run Across America
Jeff Grabosky is about to head off on his run across American. He will be wearing a Baby Alex Foundation t-shirt for part of his run, and saying prayers for people in need. We have asked Jeff to say prayers for all premature babies and their families.
Although Erik and I are not religious people, we believe in the power of faith and collective human strength. When Alex was in the hospital, thanks to the efforts of our friends and friends of friends, hundreds of people we never met said prayers for Alex. We can never thank all of those people, and we will never even know their names. We can only pass on the strength they gave us to others who are suffering. If you know someone in need of prayers, please contact Jeff. He will be running with a rosary, and will have many, many hours over hundreds and hundreds of miles to say prayers.
And if you can help Jeff along his run, please contact him as well. He will be staying in his tent on nights when he doesn't have a friend to stay with along the route. And if you are a runner, join him for a few miles.
His website:
www.jeffrunsamerica.com
Thank you.
Although Erik and I are not religious people, we believe in the power of faith and collective human strength. When Alex was in the hospital, thanks to the efforts of our friends and friends of friends, hundreds of people we never met said prayers for Alex. We can never thank all of those people, and we will never even know their names. We can only pass on the strength they gave us to others who are suffering. If you know someone in need of prayers, please contact Jeff. He will be running with a rosary, and will have many, many hours over hundreds and hundreds of miles to say prayers.
And if you can help Jeff along his run, please contact him as well. He will be staying in his tent on nights when he doesn't have a friend to stay with along the route. And if you are a runner, join him for a few miles.
His website:
www.jeffrunsamerica.com
Thank you.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Values and Rules
Through Success Magazine, Erik and I have been introduced to two incredible parents. They are not new to the parenting scene, but we have only just discovered them. Linda and Richard Eyre are best selling authors, have an incredible website, give lectures around the world on parenting and are just the people we were looking for when we decided it was time to gain some order around teaching our children values. You hope as a parent you model what you want your kids to learn, but there is so much more that can be done to actually teach them about values and healthy living. I am currently reading Three Steps to a Strong Family and Teaching Your Children Values. You have to be ready to do some work, prepared to accept teeny tiny baby steps forward as progress, and then just have fun with it.
Taking the Eyre's advice, we have involved the kids in coming up with "family rules". When I have one of them alone, I do this work, because usually when they are together, the exercise quickly deteriorates. They have come up with so many great rules for our family and I have written them all down. At some point, I am going to stick them into 5 categories, and then post them on the wall. Things like, "when you are speaking no one else should speak and then they should say excuse me when they want to speak" from Izzy (say scuse me to speak and Ales no speak when Izzy speak) and "no spilling coffee or juice on purpose, only by accident" from Alex. Great rules.
We are also slowly working through the values section. After explaining what the value means, you give the kids examples and let them come up with some of their own so that they really get the concept. You can then role play. Izzy doesn't quite follow it all, but she tunes in every once in a while and it will surely sink in as she approaches her third birthday. A 3 year old is totally ready for these exercises! We have so far worked through honesty, courage and peacefulness. Alex loves hearing scenarios of what it means to be each of those, and how one can act to reinforce these values. We role play and he loves it.
The punishment for breaking the rules (or the peace of the house) are as follows, thank you Eyres: If you hurt someone else, you sit on the repenting bench (we aren't religious, but we kept the name) until you can explain exactly what it is you did wrong, apologize and then hug. We force the hug. Izzy only hugs on her own terms, so she ends up on the repenting bench at times when she won't let Alex hug her. Once she repents, they hug nicely. Forced hugs, like forcing a smile-feelings often follow actions, and it seems to be working so we will keep at it. If you are loud, you sit in the quiet chair until you quiet down. Unlike time out, which wasn't working very well for us, these two places for punishment really seem to be working.
We have also been sticking with the weekly family meetings where we discuss our week, our goals for the week, our activities and any problems, concerns, etc. The kids love these meetings. They also get their salary at these meetings from Daddy's piggy bank into theirs--one quarter for every star on their weekly start chart. You get a star for cleaning up your toys, your room, for being polite and nice, and using your left hand (even Izzy!).
Sounds like a lot of work, and it is, sort of. Once you get the hang of it, you can often do much of the work while doing something else. We tend to travel a lot with our kids, so we hold family discussions in the car, which is usually a very quiet place to talk. We run scenarios and explain values. My weekly star chart is usually the back of an envelop or other stationary which I quickly scribble the days of the week on, and I usually only remember to write a star onto the chart 2 or 3 times a week--you do the best you can. Taking the time in the beginning to get yourself organized will save lots of time later on.
Part of our reason for establishing these rules and values are obvious, to create a system of order and punishment that is fair, consistent and effective. But the second part of our effort has to do with how the rules and values engender self-esteem. Alex and Izzy feel part of the process, as integral people in the family, with responsibilities to uphold and jobs to do. They see the fruits of their labors, whether it is a happy parent or a quarter, and in the process they learn very adult concepts. Through this process, they are building self-esteem.
Taking the Eyre's advice, we have involved the kids in coming up with "family rules". When I have one of them alone, I do this work, because usually when they are together, the exercise quickly deteriorates. They have come up with so many great rules for our family and I have written them all down. At some point, I am going to stick them into 5 categories, and then post them on the wall. Things like, "when you are speaking no one else should speak and then they should say excuse me when they want to speak" from Izzy (say scuse me to speak and Ales no speak when Izzy speak) and "no spilling coffee or juice on purpose, only by accident" from Alex. Great rules.
We are also slowly working through the values section. After explaining what the value means, you give the kids examples and let them come up with some of their own so that they really get the concept. You can then role play. Izzy doesn't quite follow it all, but she tunes in every once in a while and it will surely sink in as she approaches her third birthday. A 3 year old is totally ready for these exercises! We have so far worked through honesty, courage and peacefulness. Alex loves hearing scenarios of what it means to be each of those, and how one can act to reinforce these values. We role play and he loves it.
The punishment for breaking the rules (or the peace of the house) are as follows, thank you Eyres: If you hurt someone else, you sit on the repenting bench (we aren't religious, but we kept the name) until you can explain exactly what it is you did wrong, apologize and then hug. We force the hug. Izzy only hugs on her own terms, so she ends up on the repenting bench at times when she won't let Alex hug her. Once she repents, they hug nicely. Forced hugs, like forcing a smile-feelings often follow actions, and it seems to be working so we will keep at it. If you are loud, you sit in the quiet chair until you quiet down. Unlike time out, which wasn't working very well for us, these two places for punishment really seem to be working.
We have also been sticking with the weekly family meetings where we discuss our week, our goals for the week, our activities and any problems, concerns, etc. The kids love these meetings. They also get their salary at these meetings from Daddy's piggy bank into theirs--one quarter for every star on their weekly start chart. You get a star for cleaning up your toys, your room, for being polite and nice, and using your left hand (even Izzy!).
Sounds like a lot of work, and it is, sort of. Once you get the hang of it, you can often do much of the work while doing something else. We tend to travel a lot with our kids, so we hold family discussions in the car, which is usually a very quiet place to talk. We run scenarios and explain values. My weekly star chart is usually the back of an envelop or other stationary which I quickly scribble the days of the week on, and I usually only remember to write a star onto the chart 2 or 3 times a week--you do the best you can. Taking the time in the beginning to get yourself organized will save lots of time later on.
Part of our reason for establishing these rules and values are obvious, to create a system of order and punishment that is fair, consistent and effective. But the second part of our effort has to do with how the rules and values engender self-esteem. Alex and Izzy feel part of the process, as integral people in the family, with responsibilities to uphold and jobs to do. They see the fruits of their labors, whether it is a happy parent or a quarter, and in the process they learn very adult concepts. Through this process, they are building self-esteem.
Ski Bums
This weekend, we got Alex and Izzy on skis for the first time. We had no idea how we were going to approach teaching them how to ski, something our parents never did for us but which we figured out how to do later in life. We just happened to be going by a ski store on our way to the farm this weekend, and we stopped in to see about buying skis, which are very expensive to rent. You hate to actually buy skis, kind of like buying ice skates, which you know your kids are going to use a few times and grow out of by the next season. Alex and Izzy are the same size now, so no chance of passing anything down to Iz next season.
We happened to be served by a very experienced snow instructor who explained the process of teaching 2-3 year olds how to ski. He recommended these skis called "Lucky Bums", which look like skis but attach gently to the child's snow boot. The most frustrating thing about skiing for most people is the ski boot, its awkwardness, the difficulty one finds when standing up in them, etc. Kids hate them. I witnessed my nephew have countless meltdowns within minutes of putting them during his first two seasons learning to ski. This instructor said that once the kids get used to wearing the Lucky Bums, and become comfortable walking and gliding around on almost flat surfaces, we could move on to the ski boot, next season. He said we should then let the kids use the actual ski boot like a snow boot and walk around in it all winter in the snow to get used to it. Once they like it, you can then finally get them on real skis.
I was worried about how the kids would react to being on skis, or maybe just worried about how I was going to feel if they had full blown temper tantrums and refused to try skiing. Erik and I recently started listening to Darren Hardy's Compound Effect (awesome book!). He explains how every goal you want to reach in life, whether to become a multi-millionaire or an elite athlete, takes baby steps, done consistently over time. And so, Erik and I reminded ourselves that our 2 and 3 year olds were not going to zip down the slopes this season, and we needed to do nothing but praise even their small efforts.
Izzy got on her skis first, and took off down the steep driveway with me holding onto her ski jacket. She loved it. She, like her mom, is an adrenaline junkie. We did that a few times and then I tried to interest her in a flat surface and she kicked off both skis and announced she was finished. She lasted about 5 minutes. So, when Alex got into his skis, I expected the same. His first ski session lasted about 15 minutes, and he seemed just fine with the fact that he was unstable on his feet and that we held both of his hands and gripped his waste and kind of pushed him on the flats. We then went sledding. After some indoor playtime, I tried to get Izzy to try again, but she wanted nothing to do with the skis. Alex said he would try. After an hour, without holding my hand or being held, but just walking and gliding around on the driveway, I had to switch off with Grandma because I needed lunch. We simply could not get him to come in. Eventually we bribed him with dessert. But, as soon as he had eaten, he was back out there, shuffling along like an old man, talking and singing and having a grand time. We seem to have found another sport he loves, which makes me very, very happy.
We happened to be served by a very experienced snow instructor who explained the process of teaching 2-3 year olds how to ski. He recommended these skis called "Lucky Bums", which look like skis but attach gently to the child's snow boot. The most frustrating thing about skiing for most people is the ski boot, its awkwardness, the difficulty one finds when standing up in them, etc. Kids hate them. I witnessed my nephew have countless meltdowns within minutes of putting them during his first two seasons learning to ski. This instructor said that once the kids get used to wearing the Lucky Bums, and become comfortable walking and gliding around on almost flat surfaces, we could move on to the ski boot, next season. He said we should then let the kids use the actual ski boot like a snow boot and walk around in it all winter in the snow to get used to it. Once they like it, you can then finally get them on real skis.
I was worried about how the kids would react to being on skis, or maybe just worried about how I was going to feel if they had full blown temper tantrums and refused to try skiing. Erik and I recently started listening to Darren Hardy's Compound Effect (awesome book!). He explains how every goal you want to reach in life, whether to become a multi-millionaire or an elite athlete, takes baby steps, done consistently over time. And so, Erik and I reminded ourselves that our 2 and 3 year olds were not going to zip down the slopes this season, and we needed to do nothing but praise even their small efforts.
Izzy got on her skis first, and took off down the steep driveway with me holding onto her ski jacket. She loved it. She, like her mom, is an adrenaline junkie. We did that a few times and then I tried to interest her in a flat surface and she kicked off both skis and announced she was finished. She lasted about 5 minutes. So, when Alex got into his skis, I expected the same. His first ski session lasted about 15 minutes, and he seemed just fine with the fact that he was unstable on his feet and that we held both of his hands and gripped his waste and kind of pushed him on the flats. We then went sledding. After some indoor playtime, I tried to get Izzy to try again, but she wanted nothing to do with the skis. Alex said he would try. After an hour, without holding my hand or being held, but just walking and gliding around on the driveway, I had to switch off with Grandma because I needed lunch. We simply could not get him to come in. Eventually we bribed him with dessert. But, as soon as he had eaten, he was back out there, shuffling along like an old man, talking and singing and having a grand time. We seem to have found another sport he loves, which makes me very, very happy.
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