This Week's Value: Optimism

For about a year, our family has been trying hard to hold Sunday night family meetings. We sit around the dinner table and talk about the past week, our accomplishments and disappointments, and discuss the upcoming week. Every month or so we think of a new value to add to our value board, which is a white erase board hanging on the kitchen wall. When we started, we couldn't get our daughter to sit for more than 30 seconds, so we allowed her to wander off or snuggle in our laps. This year, she has turned a corner and is able to engage. Family meetings, which were once chaotic, are more enjoyable.

We re-organized how we discuss the values because it seemed that there was a lot of talk about them, but not a lot of internalizing how to use them. So, now we write on the white erase "Value of the Week: (value)". I let the kids choose which value they want to focus on. This week Alex chose "Optimism" and rationalized that because it was going to rain all week we would need to be optimistic that we can still have fun. At breakfast each morning we talk about the value and how we are going to incorporate it into our lives. By focusing on one each week, we hope the kids will gain a better understanding of the values and then use them.

Discussion around values (a word we stretch to include any action that makes our lives better, such as "participation", which may not be a value at all) lends itself to talks that are instructive, but not personally directed toward the kids. We play a game where we illustrate what a value means, usually by taking examples from our lives. For example, I will ask the kids which value I am describing when giving the following scenario: You go to the store and give the cashier $10 for some bread and she gives you $20 in return. What do you do? (they answer, and if they say they take the money and run, we remind them of what would happen to the cashier when her boss discovers the missing money, and ask them to answer again). When they answer, we ask them what value they just illustrated. The answer here would be "honesty".

As Alex works to overcome his limitations, and to find his natural talents, these values have become really important. When we started the value game, we didn't realize we were building a foundation that would influence his emotional state--we thought we were just encouraging our kids to be good people. Recently the value game has taken on greater meaning, because words like optimism don't only mean finding fun when it rains, but believing in something you can not yet see, like your future ability to hold a baseball bat, or wear a catcher's mitt. As Alex grows up, he has begun to lose some of his innocence and to make very adult statements like, "I'll never be a good runner. I fall all the time." Now I am able to remind him that just like when it rains, he needs to remain optimistic, because even if he falls he can still have fun, and still become a great runner. The value game has taken on real meaning, and not only for the kids. We can all use a healthy dose of optimism now and then.