Charting New Waters: School and Emotional Health

Alex started school this year, and over the past month his behavior changed drastically. Our happy-go-lucky child slowly started pushing, hugging too tightly, taking toys from others and more recently, using two bad words, repeatedly. At first, we treated his behavior as a 3 year old change, but soon realized we needed to reexamine his actions and more importantly, our reaction to those actions and our efforts at boosting his self-esteem. When Alex went to school, he began to realize that he can't do what other children can do, and it was the first time he started to process this difficult realization. He is very frustrated. He is also 3. We have a tough combination. Over the past week, rather than put him in time out when he misbehaves, I ask him if he is angry. He says he is, but doesn't know why. I give him a big hug and tell him what a good boy he is, and his poor behavior stops immediately. He is good for several more hours, and then he trips up and we go through this loving routine again. His behavior has improved overnight and continues to get better. We also realize that he needs extra sleep, extra calories and extra time alone with his parents to help this sensitive and intelligent child process this change in his life.

We were initially disappointed with his school on many levels. That said, we have increased our communication with the director and teachers and believe we can all work together to address Alex's physical needs within the context of school and help him pursue more challenging work. A school that does not regularly teach children with disabilities needs help from the parents of the disabled children so that they are able to address each individual child's needs. No one wants to be guessing as to how they should treat a child with special needs. The school also needs excellent teachers, a solid director, and a philosophy of love and patience. When looking for a school for a special needs child, some of the questions that might be helpful to ask are whether the school has ever had a special needs child, how they have addressed the disabilities, how they push children intellectually, how they attempt to build self-esteem. If there is or has been a child with special needs at the school, it might be helpful for the families to communicate with each other as well.

And as with sending any child to school for the first time, parents truly need to be attentive to changes in the child's behavior, sympathetic on both sides, to the child and the school, and courageous to work through problems while showing their child extra love and support. If the school really doesn't seem right, then maybe a different school would be more suitable--but that decision must be made after a serious trial period, because transitions are extremely stressful on toddler. The fall, I have been completely consumed with the kids. All of the time and emotional energy I spent training last year is now spent with the kids, helping them adapt to all the changes they are facing. It is a very difficult job, and has challenged me to read even more literature on toddlers, emotional issues faced by children with CP, toddler school transitions, extraordinary memory in children with brain damage...a whole range of topics.

Base training starts Saturday. Ironman St. George, one of the (if not THE) hilliest Ironman in the series is the first weekend in May. Right now, I'm exhausted, have a terrible cold, and am completely out of shape. I always say there should be a special division for Ironman Mommies with toddlers. I wear my Life is good t-shirts frequently, and am reminded of our blessings. Alex may not be able to put on his shoes by himself at age 3, but I'm sure by the time he goes to college, he will have figured it out.