Individual and Focused Attention

If you have a child who demands a lot of attention, chances are your other children may feel left out, and in fact, they are probably correct in feeling this way. Although we have tried hard to give equal attention to Izzy, the fact of the situation is that Alex needs a lot more help and support than she does. At times, she acts out to get attention. Since Alex has started on the trileptol, he hasn't had a single meltdown. The reason we took him for the EEG was because he was having these strange meltdowns and he would tell me that he couldn't control his brain. Our neurologist is very good, and I am so thankful that he listened to me. Sure enough, Alex was having constant spikes in electrical activity, which resulted in an out of control brain, even when he wasn't have obvious seizures. It is amazing that Alex was able to articulate that to me. Izzy has never had a meltdown. She gets mad and slams doors and tells us all not to look at her and to leave her alone, but she gets over it quickly and she always remains in control. Fortunately, she doesn't imitate Alex's meltdowns to get attention. But, she has her own way of pushing everyone's buttons and there are times when I want to sent her to boarding school and then I realize what she really needs is a big hug. This winter has been particularly challenging for many reasons, and Izzy has shown the stress in her behavior. So, last weekend, I took her for a girls' overnight in NYC and we stayed with two of her favorite people on earth, who are like surrogate grandparents to her. When we attended the Matisse exhibit a few weeks ago, Izzy decided she loves NYC. So, that's where we went when I realized she needed some individual and focused attention with Mommy. She loves everything about the city, the noise, the cabs, the tall buildings, the fashion and she especially loves her surrogate grandparents and their apartment which she announced, after inspecting the bathroom, was "perfect!" The two of us went to the zoo, saw a real polar bear, visited the Plaza, had ice cream, fed the horses who pull carriages just like Cinderella's carriage, and ate pizza in the train station. We were zonked on the return trip on the train. She was a new kid the next day. Even more grown up that usual, all smiles, full of stories. She is old enough now to remember that trip. She talks about it all the time. If you have children who sometimes get the short end of the stick, plan a day alone with one at a time, on a regular basis. I remember my Dad used to do this with us. Every year, he took us individually on a special trip, right up until the year he passed away. The last conversation I had with him on the phone, when I was in Indonesia and he was at home getting ready for Christmas, was that he planned to take me to the Plaza for brunch to celebrate my 24th birthday when I came home from my extended trip. He died on my birthday that year, and we never had a chance to have that brunch. When Izzy turns five, we'll make up for it, and celebrate at the Plaza, over brunch, a special day for both of us.