The value of the week this week is courage. It is one of the children's favorites. They love to hear stories of how they find the courage to do this and that, and really can't get enough of it. But this week, we are talking about courage in terms of honesty, which was last week's value. Really, we are talking about character, and how it takes courage to build it.
Milk gets spilled, toys get broken and modeling clay gets embedded into the rugs. We are a house of children. There are times when I find myself getting angry about these issues. I say things like, "Who spilled the milk on the rug?" to which the guilty party honestly answers, "me", and then I lecture about not bringing milk into the living room. At three and four, you still tell the truth most of the time, because you haven't really learned to lie yet...but dishonesty is right around the corner, especially if you know you will be in trouble for telling the truth. So, I've had to work hard at staying calm. The new conversation goes, "Who spilled the milk on the rug?" and when someone says "me", I hug him or her and say "Thank you for telling the truth." Sometimes I even call Daddy, and let him praise the honest child for being honest. You really can rarely go too far in instilling values.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
The Gift of Giving
A few weeks ago I read in the NY Times an article about a woman who decided to give $100 to a charity every single day for a year. That's a lot of money. Her story is inspiring because of what she describes as receiving from her donations. She learned about hundreds of non-profits she had never heard about, and got involved in changing lives, which in turn has changed hers.
We have always been a family that believes in giving, but still, we don't give enough, whether it be money or time or help or smiles. I don't have the time to investigate a new non-profit on a daily basis, but over the course of a week, I can find it. So, I'm trying to donate every week this year to a charity that will use the money wisely. Of course, our biggest donation goes to The Baby Alex Foundation. But, we can spare a few hundred bucks here and there for others.
We involve our kids in our charity work, in hopes of instilling in them both the value of generosity and an appreciation for what they have. We clean out toys and clothes together to donate, bake and sell cookies for our Thanksgiving turkey dinners, and now, we use birthdays as a chance to choose the charity and the amount to give. So, Alex turned 4 last week, and we discussed how important it is to give to people in need. One of my favorite charities is Heifer International, which uses the money donated to buy animals for families all over the world. Over the years, we have made an occasional donation to Heifer.
This year, we have instituted a birthday gift giving. Rather than get a present for your birthday, you get to give a gift to someone less fortunate. On Alex's birthday, we read through Heifer's website and after much discussion and thought, he decided he wanted to donate $50 to help buy a water buffalo. I upped the amount to $100, which bought half of one. He was extremely proud of himself, and talked about it all week. He didn't seem the least bit concerned that he would not get any gifts on his birthday (of course, we had chocolate cake and a dinner celebration), but more excited about what he had given. Izzy turns 3 this winter. We will do the same with her.
We have always been a family that believes in giving, but still, we don't give enough, whether it be money or time or help or smiles. I don't have the time to investigate a new non-profit on a daily basis, but over the course of a week, I can find it. So, I'm trying to donate every week this year to a charity that will use the money wisely. Of course, our biggest donation goes to The Baby Alex Foundation. But, we can spare a few hundred bucks here and there for others.
We involve our kids in our charity work, in hopes of instilling in them both the value of generosity and an appreciation for what they have. We clean out toys and clothes together to donate, bake and sell cookies for our Thanksgiving turkey dinners, and now, we use birthdays as a chance to choose the charity and the amount to give. So, Alex turned 4 last week, and we discussed how important it is to give to people in need. One of my favorite charities is Heifer International, which uses the money donated to buy animals for families all over the world. Over the years, we have made an occasional donation to Heifer.
This year, we have instituted a birthday gift giving. Rather than get a present for your birthday, you get to give a gift to someone less fortunate. On Alex's birthday, we read through Heifer's website and after much discussion and thought, he decided he wanted to donate $50 to help buy a water buffalo. I upped the amount to $100, which bought half of one. He was extremely proud of himself, and talked about it all week. He didn't seem the least bit concerned that he would not get any gifts on his birthday (of course, we had chocolate cake and a dinner celebration), but more excited about what he had given. Izzy turns 3 this winter. We will do the same with her.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Myelination and Acquiring Skill
When Alex was born, doctors talked to us about a substance called myelin. We learned that it acts like insulation on nerve fibers. We asked some questions but remained confused, and then moved on to other topics of more pressing need at the time, like whether Alex was able to swallow and poop. That was 2007.
What we didn't realize was that breakthroughs in understanding myelin had only been around for a few years, and that the doctors probably didn't yet have answers to the questions we were asking. We also didn't realize that an understanding of myelin would be crucial to our approach to Alex's therapy. Fortunately, research we had done on the brain indicated that children can build new pathways (nerve fibers) in the brain for physical function. For example, if the area of the brain that controls the hand has been damaged, with repetitive use, hand control nerve fibers will form a new path around the area of the damaged brain.
With that in mind, we engaged Alex in repetitive motion, hoping that he might build new pathways around the damaged part of his brain. Even motions that Alex was unable to perform independently at first, such as lift his left foot, we practiced with him by simply using our hands to maneuver the foot. The same was true with swimming and the use of his left arm. In the early days, he was physically incapable of making a free-style stroke with the left arm, so we did it for him, lifting and stretching the arm in our hands. Now, he can do both actions alone. We thought that by feeling the movement, Alex would learn the action, which he did, but we couldn't exactly explain how this happened. We understood that new pathways had been established, but we didn't understand the importance of repetition in strengthening those skills.
The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle, explains elements of why Alex's repetitive motion, even when assisted, has grown into actual use. I have only recently stumbled upon this book, published in 2009, which is one of the best reads I have had so far on the brain. Coyle expertly explains the importance of myelin in acquiring skill. Myelin is a substance that wraps and insulates nerves, like electrical tape around an electric wire. What we thought we understood when Alex was born was that myelin wrapped nerve cells naturally, once, in childhood, and once wrapped they were protected, and if the nerve didn't exist at birth (because, for example, the brain cells had been damaged), then you lost out on your opportunity to form myelin. In reality, myelin continues to form throughout your entire life. As you practice a skill, myelin wraps the nerve cell, again and again, and the more myelin, the greater the skill. Myelin enables the nerve impulse to travel more quickly, and with greater strength and accuracy. Which is why, the more you practice a skill correctly, the more skilled you become. (And the more you practice bad habits, the harder they are to break.)
In Coyle's book, one of the important elements of practice is to focus that practice on fixing mistakes. He gives the example of a little girl learning to play an instrument. During one 6 minute session, she focuses intently on studying and slowly practicing the difficult parts of the music. Eventually she acquires the skill to play through it. He states that she made a month's worth of progress in just 6 minutes with focused practice that targeted the trouble spots.
Another interesting aspect of practice is that it doesn't always have to be original. Coyle uses Emily Bronte as an example. People once thought she was born a brilliant writer. In reality, she and her siblings began writing at an early age as a form of play. They wrote terribly, and often copied from other texts. But, because they worked so hard at their writing, and because they copied from texts with established literary discipline, they were acquiring skill.
And so with Alex, we have a greater understanding of why our physical manipulation of his body helped him learn the movement. We were assisting the myelination process. Until last week, we had been working with his left foot, trying to get him to pull his toe back toward his knee. Until last week, he was unable to even give it a twitch. But, we have been working it. This week, he did it. And then he did it again, and again and again. Then he did it 100 times. Now that we understand myelination, we will refocus our therapy and attack the disabilities with more patience, and hope.
What we didn't realize was that breakthroughs in understanding myelin had only been around for a few years, and that the doctors probably didn't yet have answers to the questions we were asking. We also didn't realize that an understanding of myelin would be crucial to our approach to Alex's therapy. Fortunately, research we had done on the brain indicated that children can build new pathways (nerve fibers) in the brain for physical function. For example, if the area of the brain that controls the hand has been damaged, with repetitive use, hand control nerve fibers will form a new path around the area of the damaged brain.
With that in mind, we engaged Alex in repetitive motion, hoping that he might build new pathways around the damaged part of his brain. Even motions that Alex was unable to perform independently at first, such as lift his left foot, we practiced with him by simply using our hands to maneuver the foot. The same was true with swimming and the use of his left arm. In the early days, he was physically incapable of making a free-style stroke with the left arm, so we did it for him, lifting and stretching the arm in our hands. Now, he can do both actions alone. We thought that by feeling the movement, Alex would learn the action, which he did, but we couldn't exactly explain how this happened. We understood that new pathways had been established, but we didn't understand the importance of repetition in strengthening those skills.
The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle, explains elements of why Alex's repetitive motion, even when assisted, has grown into actual use. I have only recently stumbled upon this book, published in 2009, which is one of the best reads I have had so far on the brain. Coyle expertly explains the importance of myelin in acquiring skill. Myelin is a substance that wraps and insulates nerves, like electrical tape around an electric wire. What we thought we understood when Alex was born was that myelin wrapped nerve cells naturally, once, in childhood, and once wrapped they were protected, and if the nerve didn't exist at birth (because, for example, the brain cells had been damaged), then you lost out on your opportunity to form myelin. In reality, myelin continues to form throughout your entire life. As you practice a skill, myelin wraps the nerve cell, again and again, and the more myelin, the greater the skill. Myelin enables the nerve impulse to travel more quickly, and with greater strength and accuracy. Which is why, the more you practice a skill correctly, the more skilled you become. (And the more you practice bad habits, the harder they are to break.)
In Coyle's book, one of the important elements of practice is to focus that practice on fixing mistakes. He gives the example of a little girl learning to play an instrument. During one 6 minute session, she focuses intently on studying and slowly practicing the difficult parts of the music. Eventually she acquires the skill to play through it. He states that she made a month's worth of progress in just 6 minutes with focused practice that targeted the trouble spots.
Another interesting aspect of practice is that it doesn't always have to be original. Coyle uses Emily Bronte as an example. People once thought she was born a brilliant writer. In reality, she and her siblings began writing at an early age as a form of play. They wrote terribly, and often copied from other texts. But, because they worked so hard at their writing, and because they copied from texts with established literary discipline, they were acquiring skill.
And so with Alex, we have a greater understanding of why our physical manipulation of his body helped him learn the movement. We were assisting the myelination process. Until last week, we had been working with his left foot, trying to get him to pull his toe back toward his knee. Until last week, he was unable to even give it a twitch. But, we have been working it. This week, he did it. And then he did it again, and again and again. Then he did it 100 times. Now that we understand myelination, we will refocus our therapy and attack the disabilities with more patience, and hope.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
This Week's Value: Optimism
For about a year, our family has been trying hard to hold Sunday night family meetings. We sit around the dinner table and talk about the past week, our accomplishments and disappointments, and discuss the upcoming week. Every month or so we think of a new value to add to our value board, which is a white erase board hanging on the kitchen wall. When we started, we couldn't get our daughter to sit for more than 30 seconds, so we allowed her to wander off or snuggle in our laps. This year, she has turned a corner and is able to engage. Family meetings, which were once chaotic, are more enjoyable.
We re-organized how we discuss the values because it seemed that there was a lot of talk about them, but not a lot of internalizing how to use them. So, now we write on the white erase "Value of the Week: (value)". I let the kids choose which value they want to focus on. This week Alex chose "Optimism" and rationalized that because it was going to rain all week we would need to be optimistic that we can still have fun. At breakfast each morning we talk about the value and how we are going to incorporate it into our lives. By focusing on one each week, we hope the kids will gain a better understanding of the values and then use them.
Discussion around values (a word we stretch to include any action that makes our lives better, such as "participation", which may not be a value at all) lends itself to talks that are instructive, but not personally directed toward the kids. We play a game where we illustrate what a value means, usually by taking examples from our lives. For example, I will ask the kids which value I am describing when giving the following scenario: You go to the store and give the cashier $10 for some bread and she gives you $20 in return. What do you do? (they answer, and if they say they take the money and run, we remind them of what would happen to the cashier when her boss discovers the missing money, and ask them to answer again). When they answer, we ask them what value they just illustrated. The answer here would be "honesty".
As Alex works to overcome his limitations, and to find his natural talents, these values have become really important. When we started the value game, we didn't realize we were building a foundation that would influence his emotional state--we thought we were just encouraging our kids to be good people. Recently the value game has taken on greater meaning, because words like optimism don't only mean finding fun when it rains, but believing in something you can not yet see, like your future ability to hold a baseball bat, or wear a catcher's mitt. As Alex grows up, he has begun to lose some of his innocence and to make very adult statements like, "I'll never be a good runner. I fall all the time." Now I am able to remind him that just like when it rains, he needs to remain optimistic, because even if he falls he can still have fun, and still become a great runner. The value game has taken on real meaning, and not only for the kids. We can all use a healthy dose of optimism now and then.
We re-organized how we discuss the values because it seemed that there was a lot of talk about them, but not a lot of internalizing how to use them. So, now we write on the white erase "Value of the Week: (value)". I let the kids choose which value they want to focus on. This week Alex chose "Optimism" and rationalized that because it was going to rain all week we would need to be optimistic that we can still have fun. At breakfast each morning we talk about the value and how we are going to incorporate it into our lives. By focusing on one each week, we hope the kids will gain a better understanding of the values and then use them.
Discussion around values (a word we stretch to include any action that makes our lives better, such as "participation", which may not be a value at all) lends itself to talks that are instructive, but not personally directed toward the kids. We play a game where we illustrate what a value means, usually by taking examples from our lives. For example, I will ask the kids which value I am describing when giving the following scenario: You go to the store and give the cashier $10 for some bread and she gives you $20 in return. What do you do? (they answer, and if they say they take the money and run, we remind them of what would happen to the cashier when her boss discovers the missing money, and ask them to answer again). When they answer, we ask them what value they just illustrated. The answer here would be "honesty".
As Alex works to overcome his limitations, and to find his natural talents, these values have become really important. When we started the value game, we didn't realize we were building a foundation that would influence his emotional state--we thought we were just encouraging our kids to be good people. Recently the value game has taken on greater meaning, because words like optimism don't only mean finding fun when it rains, but believing in something you can not yet see, like your future ability to hold a baseball bat, or wear a catcher's mitt. As Alex grows up, he has begun to lose some of his innocence and to make very adult statements like, "I'll never be a good runner. I fall all the time." Now I am able to remind him that just like when it rains, he needs to remain optimistic, because even if he falls he can still have fun, and still become a great runner. The value game has taken on real meaning, and not only for the kids. We can all use a healthy dose of optimism now and then.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Honest Discussions
Last week, as Alex was winding down before bed, I overheard him telling himself all about his brain injury. I came in on the middle of the conversation he was having with himself.
"...and that is called a brain injury. I got it when I was born. It means that my brain sometimes doesn't work the way I want it to. That's why I have to work lefty..."
I didn't interrupt. I left him to himself to talk it out.
A year ago, when Alex was 2 1/2, on our way into Boston for his annual MRI, we explained to him the details of his injury, how it happened and how it was affecting his balance and left side. Since that time, he has had many questions and has overheard us discussing his brain with doctors, teachers, relatives and parents. Because we try to keep a positive spin at all times on our situation, to help keep us all encouraged and moving forward in a positive direction, and because we know that Alex internalizes every word we say about him, our conversations about his injury are all about working hard to overcome an obstacle that can be surmounted. Alex believes that with hard work, lefty will become as strong as righty, and his balance will eventually normalize. Occasionally, when he gets upset with himself for tripping or not being as coordinated as Izzy, we honestly tell him that he has to work harder than his sister because of his injury, but that he should not be afraid of hard work.
I have at times observed surprise in people who overhear how honestly we talk to Alex about his injury. Not every child is the same, and so perhaps this approach would not work with all children, but for one who can understand, talking about the injury seems to ease Alex's anxiety, and provide him with a greater sense of determination, especially when he observes the ease with which other children accomplish daily tasks. Putting on his crocs, for example, was a major, major hurtle. He was so frustrated when he realized that his younger sister could quickly put hers on without assistance, while he couldn't even get his toes inside without help. We kept telling Alex that when he was ready to start trying to put them on himself, he should tell us. For a while, he refused. We encouraged him to act independently, but did not push the issue. And of course, at some point, he decided he was ready to try. He can now put one shoe on no problem and he can get the other one started without assistance. Getting out the door used to be an incredible battle, mostly because Alex didn't want to sit for his shoes to be put on because his inability to put them on himself was a daily downer. Now that he can do part of the job himself, he loves to sit and get put them on. He leaves every day with a sense of accomplishment.
We spent a lot of the summer in NH this year, surrounded by cousins, aunts and uncles, great aunts and uncles, and grand parents. The kids play together, no matter their age differences. They run and swim together, go blueberry picking, hiking, share their toys and books, tell each other stories, go fishing. It is amazing how just being kids together, without schedules or planned activities, encourages them to grow. Alex keeps up, and all the cousins encourage him at every turn. When he falls running, they pick him up. When he is nervous about jumping into the water, they cheer and clap. When he has trouble holding a tennis racquet or fish rod, they guide his grip. No one is afraid to talk about his "lefty", or to encourage him to use his left side.
And so for Alex, his weakness in his left side has become a simple fact of life that must be dominated and overcome. This attitude should help him in the coming years, when playing sports in school will likely bring on another round of realizations and possible frustrations. We hope that building his self-esteem and outlook on life early will prepare him for the many stages of the emotional evolution that develops in children with health challenges. This early emotional strength is quite possibly the single greatest gift parents can give to their children, whether they face injuries or not, but especially for children who may find themselves in last place in physical activities. Yesterday, Alex told me that he wins every race he enters (in our track club summer series), even though he usually comes in last place. "Really?" I asked. "Yes, I won because I participated." Participation has become our summer concept, and our mantra.
"...and that is called a brain injury. I got it when I was born. It means that my brain sometimes doesn't work the way I want it to. That's why I have to work lefty..."
I didn't interrupt. I left him to himself to talk it out.
A year ago, when Alex was 2 1/2, on our way into Boston for his annual MRI, we explained to him the details of his injury, how it happened and how it was affecting his balance and left side. Since that time, he has had many questions and has overheard us discussing his brain with doctors, teachers, relatives and parents. Because we try to keep a positive spin at all times on our situation, to help keep us all encouraged and moving forward in a positive direction, and because we know that Alex internalizes every word we say about him, our conversations about his injury are all about working hard to overcome an obstacle that can be surmounted. Alex believes that with hard work, lefty will become as strong as righty, and his balance will eventually normalize. Occasionally, when he gets upset with himself for tripping or not being as coordinated as Izzy, we honestly tell him that he has to work harder than his sister because of his injury, but that he should not be afraid of hard work.
I have at times observed surprise in people who overhear how honestly we talk to Alex about his injury. Not every child is the same, and so perhaps this approach would not work with all children, but for one who can understand, talking about the injury seems to ease Alex's anxiety, and provide him with a greater sense of determination, especially when he observes the ease with which other children accomplish daily tasks. Putting on his crocs, for example, was a major, major hurtle. He was so frustrated when he realized that his younger sister could quickly put hers on without assistance, while he couldn't even get his toes inside without help. We kept telling Alex that when he was ready to start trying to put them on himself, he should tell us. For a while, he refused. We encouraged him to act independently, but did not push the issue. And of course, at some point, he decided he was ready to try. He can now put one shoe on no problem and he can get the other one started without assistance. Getting out the door used to be an incredible battle, mostly because Alex didn't want to sit for his shoes to be put on because his inability to put them on himself was a daily downer. Now that he can do part of the job himself, he loves to sit and get put them on. He leaves every day with a sense of accomplishment.
We spent a lot of the summer in NH this year, surrounded by cousins, aunts and uncles, great aunts and uncles, and grand parents. The kids play together, no matter their age differences. They run and swim together, go blueberry picking, hiking, share their toys and books, tell each other stories, go fishing. It is amazing how just being kids together, without schedules or planned activities, encourages them to grow. Alex keeps up, and all the cousins encourage him at every turn. When he falls running, they pick him up. When he is nervous about jumping into the water, they cheer and clap. When he has trouble holding a tennis racquet or fish rod, they guide his grip. No one is afraid to talk about his "lefty", or to encourage him to use his left side.
And so for Alex, his weakness in his left side has become a simple fact of life that must be dominated and overcome. This attitude should help him in the coming years, when playing sports in school will likely bring on another round of realizations and possible frustrations. We hope that building his self-esteem and outlook on life early will prepare him for the many stages of the emotional evolution that develops in children with health challenges. This early emotional strength is quite possibly the single greatest gift parents can give to their children, whether they face injuries or not, but especially for children who may find themselves in last place in physical activities. Yesterday, Alex told me that he wins every race he enters (in our track club summer series), even though he usually comes in last place. "Really?" I asked. "Yes, I won because I participated." Participation has become our summer concept, and our mantra.
Monday, August 1, 2011
A Sport All To One's Own
Alex had a very bad day at school last week, and I was surprised because he adores his new school and has been thriving. He was angry and uncooperative, a sign that something wasn't right. Thinking over the day, I realized his mood swing had begun that morning, at his before school karate lesson.
Alex has been taking karate for over a year, and the lessons have helped his balance and strength considerably. I can not rave enough about the martial arts to help children with brain injuries. At this last lesson, Izzy joined Alex for the first time. She has not been interested in karate, but has hit a stage of life where she is ready to begin. She is incredibly agile, has excellent balance and is an all around amazing athlete. She was the star of the lesson. Alex's heart was broken. He acted out in the lesson and I had to have him sit twice, to calm down. He acted out on the way to school, and I made him sit again to calm down. So, it was no wonder he continued to act out in school.
Alex napped after school and I never mentioned his poor behavior in school that day. I let him play and have quiet time at home, while I tried to figure out how to approach this new problem. Alex's self esteem was devastated when he witnessed the ease with which his sister mastered karate, when he has been working at it for over a year. I finally decided to talk about it with both children at bedtime. When I brought up the karate class, Alex said,"Mommy, I'm not good at anything. Izzy is good at everything." He was finally able to articulate the problem, which is pretty incredible for a 3 year old.
We then played a game, where each child told the other what the other was good at. Izzy went first. I asked Izzy what she thought Alex was good at. She was so thrilled to tell him: karate, running, drawing, being a nice brother. Alex put his head in his pillow. He was proud and sad at the same time, because he still felt he wasn't as good at these things as Izzy. Then it was Alex's turn. There is something about praising another person that truly inflates the speaker's self-esteem. He told Izzy that she is a fish in the water, that she is a very fast runner, that she is also a nice sister. It was an amazing evening. I snuggled with both of them as they fell asleep. When it was Alex's turn, we talked more about what he is good at. He wanted to hear it repeated that he was good at things. I explain to the kids all the time that one may be fast, but the other can run long distances; one may be good in the water, but the other is good on the tricycle. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.
The next day, we talked about whether Alex could handle having Izzy in his karate class. It was, after all, his sport, and if he wanted to keep it that way, I would have to find another time of day for Izzy to have a lesson. At first Alex said he did not want Izzy in his class, but Izzy piped up that she wanted to join him. I explained that since they are best friends, they should find it fun to be together in a class. Finally, Alex agreed to let Izzy try it one more time and to then decide if he wanted her in class or not.
The next day at class, I cheated slightly. I kept Izzy in my lap for the first part of class while Alex got settled in and was the center of attention. Then, I let Izzy joined. She did well for about 10 minutes and then lost interest. I also joined the class, to participate with the kids. Alex maintained his poise, and was completely happy at the end of the class. We had one major success. Not sure if it will last, it may need to be readdressed, but for now, we had a success and the more successes in the bank, the better we will be prepared for the downturns.
Alex has been taking karate for over a year, and the lessons have helped his balance and strength considerably. I can not rave enough about the martial arts to help children with brain injuries. At this last lesson, Izzy joined Alex for the first time. She has not been interested in karate, but has hit a stage of life where she is ready to begin. She is incredibly agile, has excellent balance and is an all around amazing athlete. She was the star of the lesson. Alex's heart was broken. He acted out in the lesson and I had to have him sit twice, to calm down. He acted out on the way to school, and I made him sit again to calm down. So, it was no wonder he continued to act out in school.
Alex napped after school and I never mentioned his poor behavior in school that day. I let him play and have quiet time at home, while I tried to figure out how to approach this new problem. Alex's self esteem was devastated when he witnessed the ease with which his sister mastered karate, when he has been working at it for over a year. I finally decided to talk about it with both children at bedtime. When I brought up the karate class, Alex said,"Mommy, I'm not good at anything. Izzy is good at everything." He was finally able to articulate the problem, which is pretty incredible for a 3 year old.
We then played a game, where each child told the other what the other was good at. Izzy went first. I asked Izzy what she thought Alex was good at. She was so thrilled to tell him: karate, running, drawing, being a nice brother. Alex put his head in his pillow. He was proud and sad at the same time, because he still felt he wasn't as good at these things as Izzy. Then it was Alex's turn. There is something about praising another person that truly inflates the speaker's self-esteem. He told Izzy that she is a fish in the water, that she is a very fast runner, that she is also a nice sister. It was an amazing evening. I snuggled with both of them as they fell asleep. When it was Alex's turn, we talked more about what he is good at. He wanted to hear it repeated that he was good at things. I explain to the kids all the time that one may be fast, but the other can run long distances; one may be good in the water, but the other is good on the tricycle. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.
The next day, we talked about whether Alex could handle having Izzy in his karate class. It was, after all, his sport, and if he wanted to keep it that way, I would have to find another time of day for Izzy to have a lesson. At first Alex said he did not want Izzy in his class, but Izzy piped up that she wanted to join him. I explained that since they are best friends, they should find it fun to be together in a class. Finally, Alex agreed to let Izzy try it one more time and to then decide if he wanted her in class or not.
The next day at class, I cheated slightly. I kept Izzy in my lap for the first part of class while Alex got settled in and was the center of attention. Then, I let Izzy joined. She did well for about 10 minutes and then lost interest. I also joined the class, to participate with the kids. Alex maintained his poise, and was completely happy at the end of the class. We had one major success. Not sure if it will last, it may need to be readdressed, but for now, we had a success and the more successes in the bank, the better we will be prepared for the downturns.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The Daily Biathlon
Thank goodness it is finally summer. We are not a family of winter athletes, and every year when warm mornings mean running in shorts at 6am, I take a huge breath and relax.
This summer, we have instituted the family morning run. Alex, Izzy and I have been working on our morning runs for weeks now, and we finally have begun to make some progress. They both, thankfully, love to run. The whole concept began when I started making them get out of the babyjogger during my morning runs when they were hitting each other, and making them run alongside me until they were tired and in theory, too tired to hit anymore. They did stop hitting, but only because they spend most of the run running rather than riding, and when they are resting in the jogger, they are pooped.
We start with everyone running, and then as each of the kids gets tired, he or she crawls into the jogger to rest and then gets out again when rested. They can run about 1.5 miles during a 5 mile run. I bring lots of snacks and drinks, because they really need them to get through so much exercise. At every street corner, I yell "Stop, look and listen" and after weeks of practice, they get that they are supposed to stop, look and listen for cars, and wait for Mommy to give the "go" before running again.
Recently, because of the heat and the biting insects, I brought their tricycles into the living room. Neither of them can ride their tricycles, but they are trying hard. So, while I spin on my bike, they ride around in front of me. And then we go off for our run. We call this our biathlon, and kids now know that "bi" means two and "tri" means three and we do some lessons on other words that begin with those beginnings. A little mommy school thrown in there.
The kids are very proud of their morning accomplishments. Alex thinks we should go the whole way and add swimming so that we can do a triathlon. We will at some point, but since we don't have a pool, the logistics get slightly more complicated. But, as I promised him, we will add the swim leg. He thinks it should come last since you get so hot and tired by the first two.
Anyway, I recommend morning workout to anyone with the time to invest in it. The kids get their synapses firing in time for school, which helps them learn and focus, and of course, it builds good exercise habits we hope they will take with them into adulthood. And for Alex, whose balance and leg strength is poor, these morning exercises have helped to strengthen his legs and core, and we pray will improve his long-term outcome.
This summer, we have instituted the family morning run. Alex, Izzy and I have been working on our morning runs for weeks now, and we finally have begun to make some progress. They both, thankfully, love to run. The whole concept began when I started making them get out of the babyjogger during my morning runs when they were hitting each other, and making them run alongside me until they were tired and in theory, too tired to hit anymore. They did stop hitting, but only because they spend most of the run running rather than riding, and when they are resting in the jogger, they are pooped.
We start with everyone running, and then as each of the kids gets tired, he or she crawls into the jogger to rest and then gets out again when rested. They can run about 1.5 miles during a 5 mile run. I bring lots of snacks and drinks, because they really need them to get through so much exercise. At every street corner, I yell "Stop, look and listen" and after weeks of practice, they get that they are supposed to stop, look and listen for cars, and wait for Mommy to give the "go" before running again.
Recently, because of the heat and the biting insects, I brought their tricycles into the living room. Neither of them can ride their tricycles, but they are trying hard. So, while I spin on my bike, they ride around in front of me. And then we go off for our run. We call this our biathlon, and kids now know that "bi" means two and "tri" means three and we do some lessons on other words that begin with those beginnings. A little mommy school thrown in there.
The kids are very proud of their morning accomplishments. Alex thinks we should go the whole way and add swimming so that we can do a triathlon. We will at some point, but since we don't have a pool, the logistics get slightly more complicated. But, as I promised him, we will add the swim leg. He thinks it should come last since you get so hot and tired by the first two.
Anyway, I recommend morning workout to anyone with the time to invest in it. The kids get their synapses firing in time for school, which helps them learn and focus, and of course, it builds good exercise habits we hope they will take with them into adulthood. And for Alex, whose balance and leg strength is poor, these morning exercises have helped to strengthen his legs and core, and we pray will improve his long-term outcome.
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