I love the value of abundance. It is by far one of my favorites, and one that gets overlooked in our lives. Alex loves this one too, because it is so rewarding. Abundance is the idea that the more of something you give out, the more of it you get back. Or as I really like to think, love multiplies the more it is used so you should not hesitate to give it to everyone--it will all come back to you in multiples. We use the example of love, but also of smiles, hugs, kisses, kindness...and of course the opposite. If you give out a frown, you will most likely get one back. The kids love to experiment with abundance. We smile at people and see what happens. We say good morning to people frowning in the grocery store and see what happens. There is no way that two toddlers smiling and saying good morning is going to get anything back but friendliness, so this value works every time!
Last week we purchased gifts for the family we have adopted this Christmas at a the New Haven Home Recovery, a home for homeless women with children. I love this organization because their point is to temporarily support these families while they get back on their feet--and it seems many (most even?) do get back on their feet. I like to support something where I can see that my effort sustained a family, just long enough to get them to safety, where they can go off again on their own.
So, we bought some things that the family needed--basics like a warm coat, hat and mittens for the child, a few toys, a stocking full of small toys and clothes, and some things for the Mom. Both of my kids completely understood what we were doing. They were having so much fun picking out clothes for the family, that they wanted to buy everything. At one point, Alex fell in love with a toy we picked up for the child and wanted to keep it. I reminded him that Christmas was coming and that we needed to think with abundance, so if we give and give to this family, most likely Santa will give to us too. Fortunately, we had been studying abundance. Abundance is one of those selfish values--you do good to get good.
The kids were so good about picking out these gifts that I could not resist letting them pick out something very small for themselves. It was fun. Giving is truly more beneficial to the giver than the receiver. If you are studying values with your kids, don't forget abundance!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Sensory Issues and the Preemie Brain
From the time Alex was a baby, it was clear that he had sensory issues that we needed to be attentive to. He used to cry when there were loud noises (such as a truck driving by the house or if our family sang Happy Birthday at the dinner table). He didn't like large groups of people in our house and would go to find a peaceful and quiet place in the house when things got loud.
As he is aging, now well past his 4th birthday, he has outgrown much of that, but still, some of his sensory issues remain. This fall when his classroom grew as children returned from summer vacations, he told me that he didn't want to go to school anymore because there were too many kids. I tried to tell him to find a quiet place in the room when things got overwhelming, but that is a large task for a small kid. He comes home from school completely exhausted emotionally and physically. And he quickly started acting out at school and at home. We hoped in time he would adjust, but his brain has just not matured, and that is something that can't really be speeded up.
I have done some research on the preemie brain and it seems that this kind of reaction to loud, chaotic environments can be common. Some of the preemies end up with non-verbal learning disabilities, where they have trouble reading non-verbal cues, come across as socially awkward and have trouble navigating their social space. Uncertain times, such as transitions from one activity to another, are particularly difficult, and are times when a child may act out. We can't say yet if Alex falls into this range, but we can say for sure that the typical school environment is difficult for him, and not a set-up for success.
After consultation with several doctors and our family, we have arrived at a solution. We will try him in his school 2 days a week rather than 5, and spend three days homeschooling him. I have consulted with a homeschooling professional and identified some excellent math, reading and writing textbooks which will serve as our guide. One of the days he may spend on Grandma's farm, where he spends most of his time outside, learning about the natural world with one of the four people he loves most in the world. Homeschooling Alex is an incredible journey. He loves it and can't get enough of it. He can literally sit for hours and focus on the projects and work, and doesn't ever want to take a break. He learns quickly, and answers intellectually. He is happy, relaxed and well-behaved. And so, we will homeschool while trying to give him some social life a couple days each week at school.
Every few weeks, we will assess Alex's progress and next fall, we will decide if entering into the private school we plan to send him to is in his best interest. It may be that Alex attends only a few days a week, and that the following year, we will be asking ourselves the same question, and assessing once again if he can handle a 5 day a week schedule.
Alex is so smart. He is reading at a 1/2 grade level, doing simple addition, subtraction and multiplication, and he is only 4 years old (and not even gestationally 4 yet). He also has an incredibly kind and good heart. But observing him in his classroom, you would not know he could read nor that he is a super kind and caring kid--he just seems lost and confused and a bit of a troublemaker.
As with all of our decisions, we are guided by what Alex's actions are telling us. This is a time to act, because we will never have his 4th year to relive. So, although I have signed up for another Ironman and several ultra races for our Foundation, and am in the process of ramping up the Foundation to become a million dollar charity, I again must scale back and refocus on what is most important--my children, and their happiness.
If you are a parent of a preemie, you have a life-long road, and just when you think things are getting straightened out, you find another twist in your life. But that is parenting for anyone, I suppose.
A few weeks ago, Alex's old babysitter was lamenting about her job, and Alex said to her, "Yes, your job is difficult, but have perseverance." And when he saw her the following week, he asked about her job. And he added, "You need perseverance, and determination too." Yes, Alex, we will persevere.
As he is aging, now well past his 4th birthday, he has outgrown much of that, but still, some of his sensory issues remain. This fall when his classroom grew as children returned from summer vacations, he told me that he didn't want to go to school anymore because there were too many kids. I tried to tell him to find a quiet place in the room when things got overwhelming, but that is a large task for a small kid. He comes home from school completely exhausted emotionally and physically. And he quickly started acting out at school and at home. We hoped in time he would adjust, but his brain has just not matured, and that is something that can't really be speeded up.
I have done some research on the preemie brain and it seems that this kind of reaction to loud, chaotic environments can be common. Some of the preemies end up with non-verbal learning disabilities, where they have trouble reading non-verbal cues, come across as socially awkward and have trouble navigating their social space. Uncertain times, such as transitions from one activity to another, are particularly difficult, and are times when a child may act out. We can't say yet if Alex falls into this range, but we can say for sure that the typical school environment is difficult for him, and not a set-up for success.
After consultation with several doctors and our family, we have arrived at a solution. We will try him in his school 2 days a week rather than 5, and spend three days homeschooling him. I have consulted with a homeschooling professional and identified some excellent math, reading and writing textbooks which will serve as our guide. One of the days he may spend on Grandma's farm, where he spends most of his time outside, learning about the natural world with one of the four people he loves most in the world. Homeschooling Alex is an incredible journey. He loves it and can't get enough of it. He can literally sit for hours and focus on the projects and work, and doesn't ever want to take a break. He learns quickly, and answers intellectually. He is happy, relaxed and well-behaved. And so, we will homeschool while trying to give him some social life a couple days each week at school.
Every few weeks, we will assess Alex's progress and next fall, we will decide if entering into the private school we plan to send him to is in his best interest. It may be that Alex attends only a few days a week, and that the following year, we will be asking ourselves the same question, and assessing once again if he can handle a 5 day a week schedule.
Alex is so smart. He is reading at a 1/2 grade level, doing simple addition, subtraction and multiplication, and he is only 4 years old (and not even gestationally 4 yet). He also has an incredibly kind and good heart. But observing him in his classroom, you would not know he could read nor that he is a super kind and caring kid--he just seems lost and confused and a bit of a troublemaker.
As with all of our decisions, we are guided by what Alex's actions are telling us. This is a time to act, because we will never have his 4th year to relive. So, although I have signed up for another Ironman and several ultra races for our Foundation, and am in the process of ramping up the Foundation to become a million dollar charity, I again must scale back and refocus on what is most important--my children, and their happiness.
If you are a parent of a preemie, you have a life-long road, and just when you think things are getting straightened out, you find another twist in your life. But that is parenting for anyone, I suppose.
A few weeks ago, Alex's old babysitter was lamenting about her job, and Alex said to her, "Yes, your job is difficult, but have perseverance." And when he saw her the following week, he asked about her job. And he added, "You need perseverance, and determination too." Yes, Alex, we will persevere.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Cookies for Charity Day
Today we held our annual Cookies for Charity Day. Each year, Alex, Izzy and I bake cookies and sell them at the end of our driveway to help pay for the six Thanksgiving dinners we prepare and donate to the most needy in our town. We give the boxes of turkeys and all the fixin's to our town human services department and the minute we drop them off, they get delivered to families who are struggling.
The value of the week this week was charity. We talked about the value, then went as a family to purchase all the goodies for the dinners, then baked our cookies, packaged them and set up at the end of the driveway. We covered almost half of our costs this year. We are amazed every year at the generosity of our neighbors and random people coming through our neighborhood, when they hear that we are donating turkey dinners and that our children are involved. Kids from all over the neighborhood come over and help us market and sell the cookies, which makes it truly a community event. Who could turn down cookies for a few bucks when there are a dozen smiling faces on children waving the goodies in the air?
Charity is one of our most important values. We stress charity and generosity every chance we get, and both children understand what they mean. Basically, it all comes down to giving a very small part of yourself to make a very large difference in the life of someone else. This is how we approach The Baby Alex Foundation, and in our role as parents, although both take more than a small part of ourselves. But both give back immeasurable rewards.
The value of the week this week was charity. We talked about the value, then went as a family to purchase all the goodies for the dinners, then baked our cookies, packaged them and set up at the end of the driveway. We covered almost half of our costs this year. We are amazed every year at the generosity of our neighbors and random people coming through our neighborhood, when they hear that we are donating turkey dinners and that our children are involved. Kids from all over the neighborhood come over and help us market and sell the cookies, which makes it truly a community event. Who could turn down cookies for a few bucks when there are a dozen smiling faces on children waving the goodies in the air?
Charity is one of our most important values. We stress charity and generosity every chance we get, and both children understand what they mean. Basically, it all comes down to giving a very small part of yourself to make a very large difference in the life of someone else. This is how we approach The Baby Alex Foundation, and in our role as parents, although both take more than a small part of ourselves. But both give back immeasurable rewards.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Thankfulness
Although we should always be thankful for what we have, we often get caught up in the many irritants of daily life. The past few weeks were tough on us, between illness, power outages and Alex's frustrations with school, we have all been a bit short-tempered. I forget at times to be thankful. I also forget to be generous, kind and loving at times because I am tired and cranky.
So, last night, when I viewed a video my sister-in-law sent me, I was again reminded to be thankful for a long list of blessings, to be generous, kind and loving, no matter how tired I may feel. The older brother in this video has shown a depth of generosity, kindness and love toward his younger brother that is hard to imagine, especially given his young age. He has taken his brother's disability and turned it into a vehicle for sharing time, love and responsibility. What an amazing, inspiring story.
I highly recommend taking the time to view this video-it will add meaning to your life.
http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=7208128&categoryid=3060647
So, last night, when I viewed a video my sister-in-law sent me, I was again reminded to be thankful for a long list of blessings, to be generous, kind and loving, no matter how tired I may feel. The older brother in this video has shown a depth of generosity, kindness and love toward his younger brother that is hard to imagine, especially given his young age. He has taken his brother's disability and turned it into a vehicle for sharing time, love and responsibility. What an amazing, inspiring story.
I highly recommend taking the time to view this video-it will add meaning to your life.
http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=7208128&categoryid=3060647
Friday, November 4, 2011
Teaching Values: The Key to Ending Bullying
We recently had an incident at Alex's school where according to Alex, a number of boys pulled him into a location he was unable to escape from and hit him on all sides. When I arrived to pick up Alex from school, the boys had just been put into time out and Alex was receiving a cold pack on his scrapes and red eye. I won't go into any more details about this incident, partly because we respect the school and generally support their method for dealing with misbehavior, partly because the details are blurry and no one seems to have seen the incident and partly because this blog is never about venting our anger, but all about finding solutions and supporting the overall health of our children and our society.
After much discussion with respected mentors, Erik and I decided we would try to approach the incident from the perspective of how everyone might learn from this, how such an incident might be prevented in the future and how we might become proactive in case we face bullying later in Alex and Izzy's lives. So, we have suggested to the director to work out a plan to introduce a system of values, which many schools have adopted over the last few years. One important issue in introducing values to the school system, is the constant reinforcement of those values in every class, by every teacher, and by parents at home. The director has already incorporated values into the curriculum. The biggest problem with doing so, however, is the that if the parents don't reinforce the values at home, their lessons become diluted. Not lost, I don't think, but diluted.
I am deep into my next book, which happens to be about teaching values to children. We started a year ago and have come a long way in teaching values at home. Our children are not perfect, and they do spend time in Time Out at school. Alex is dealing with issues of self-control. He has been in Time Out for pushing, hugging too hard, hitting, pinching. There is plenty we have been working on, some of which may be caused by sensory issues and others by frustration. Whatever the cause, the problems must be addressed, at school and at home. So, we take Alex swimming after school, which helps with the sensory overload of school. We also reinforce values like a broken record. The kids understand what it means to be respectful, to show generosity, to display good sportsmanship, to be charitable, entrepreneurial, and kind. Our family motto is "work hard, be nice." Not an easy motto to follow, even for the adults in the family, but the point is that we try. We try to be kind and honest, and we try to teach our children through discussions, scenarios, etc. on how to be good people too. I will be including small parts of the book in future blogs.
Four year olds seem not yet capable of fully synthesizing the lessons, unless you walk them through the process. For example, we talk about charity, then we bake cookies to sell, then we use the proceeds to buy turkeys, then we deliver the turkeys to the needy=charity. They get it when done to this degree. Still, they test the waters and when in bad moods, act out against the most important values they can think of. They are toddlers. These are extremely difficult years!
After reading an excellent work by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, titled Ten conversations You Need to Have with Your Children, we have started asking our children, "What kind of person do you want to become?" (As in, "The nice person who makes people happy, or the mean person who makes people sad?"). This kind of approach has started to have some meaning to our toddlers. I wonder if any of the parents of the children involved in the incident this week bother to approach their children's actions with this kind of understanding. Perhaps they do. Parenting is hard and never perfect.
With this recent incident, our sensitivity to bullying has certainly been raised, not only about how other kids treat ours, but about our own children's behaviors. Is Alex's pushing in school really bullying? Does he try to intimidate other kids? We have asked the teachers to keep us closely involved in any behavior issues so that we may address them at home immediately.
We posted on our Facebook page and I will mention here again, to invite readers to an Anti-Bullyig event at the Kenneth Cole store in NYC, through Divalysscious Moms. For more information, visit www.divamoms.com.
After much discussion with respected mentors, Erik and I decided we would try to approach the incident from the perspective of how everyone might learn from this, how such an incident might be prevented in the future and how we might become proactive in case we face bullying later in Alex and Izzy's lives. So, we have suggested to the director to work out a plan to introduce a system of values, which many schools have adopted over the last few years. One important issue in introducing values to the school system, is the constant reinforcement of those values in every class, by every teacher, and by parents at home. The director has already incorporated values into the curriculum. The biggest problem with doing so, however, is the that if the parents don't reinforce the values at home, their lessons become diluted. Not lost, I don't think, but diluted.
I am deep into my next book, which happens to be about teaching values to children. We started a year ago and have come a long way in teaching values at home. Our children are not perfect, and they do spend time in Time Out at school. Alex is dealing with issues of self-control. He has been in Time Out for pushing, hugging too hard, hitting, pinching. There is plenty we have been working on, some of which may be caused by sensory issues and others by frustration. Whatever the cause, the problems must be addressed, at school and at home. So, we take Alex swimming after school, which helps with the sensory overload of school. We also reinforce values like a broken record. The kids understand what it means to be respectful, to show generosity, to display good sportsmanship, to be charitable, entrepreneurial, and kind. Our family motto is "work hard, be nice." Not an easy motto to follow, even for the adults in the family, but the point is that we try. We try to be kind and honest, and we try to teach our children through discussions, scenarios, etc. on how to be good people too. I will be including small parts of the book in future blogs.
Four year olds seem not yet capable of fully synthesizing the lessons, unless you walk them through the process. For example, we talk about charity, then we bake cookies to sell, then we use the proceeds to buy turkeys, then we deliver the turkeys to the needy=charity. They get it when done to this degree. Still, they test the waters and when in bad moods, act out against the most important values they can think of. They are toddlers. These are extremely difficult years!
After reading an excellent work by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, titled Ten conversations You Need to Have with Your Children, we have started asking our children, "What kind of person do you want to become?" (As in, "The nice person who makes people happy, or the mean person who makes people sad?"). This kind of approach has started to have some meaning to our toddlers. I wonder if any of the parents of the children involved in the incident this week bother to approach their children's actions with this kind of understanding. Perhaps they do. Parenting is hard and never perfect.
With this recent incident, our sensitivity to bullying has certainly been raised, not only about how other kids treat ours, but about our own children's behaviors. Is Alex's pushing in school really bullying? Does he try to intimidate other kids? We have asked the teachers to keep us closely involved in any behavior issues so that we may address them at home immediately.
We posted on our Facebook page and I will mention here again, to invite readers to an Anti-Bullyig event at the Kenneth Cole store in NYC, through Divalysscious Moms. For more information, visit www.divamoms.com.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Memorable Moments
As parents, our lives are filled with many memorable moments of the first time our children walk, talk, smile, and countless other accomplishments that make us wonder at the incredible journey we take together as a family. As the parent of a child whose early life history has been so marked with difficulties and obstacles, our memorable moments at times appear almost like miracles. We have had two of them this month, neither of them marked as a memorable moment when the moment began. Only after they happened did Erik and I look at each other, with tears in our eyes and say, wow.
Because of Alex's disabilities, he has trouble getting up and down stairs, onto beds, chairs and couches, in and out of car seats. His ability to balance and move the needed muscles for these activities is limited. He improves every year, and thanks to his sister, Izzy, he sees what he could do with some courage and practice. Izzy says, "C'mon Alex! I'll show you how." Alex has long accepted that his sister is a phenomenal athlete and gifted climber and so doesn't take it personally that she is younger but more agile.
So, a couple weeks ago at our summer place in New Hampshire, we met up with Relf, the gentleman who built our stone walls and steps that lead down an incredibly steep hill from our deck to the waterfront. He had just finished this project, which had taken all summer and which we put off starting for years. In other words, years have gone by when we were unable to use our waterfront and, if we ventured down there for some reason, had to carry Alex while Izzy slowly made her way down. Relf, who built the stairs, had become a part of our family since he pretty much lived at the site all summer, working away with enormous rocks and stone steps, trying to finish before the season was completely over. It was our last weekend in NH for the year, and Alex had just turned 4.
We stood at the top of the deck and looked down at the water, and I suggested that Alex take his inaugural walk down all of the steps to the waterfront, without being held or supported in any way. Relf stood by collecting the last of his things. Alex started his journey. Scared at the height and the new steps he had to navigate, Alex gave some protest, but continued working his way slowly down a few dozen stairs, over the stone pathways between steps. Meanwhile, Izzy popped up and down the steps, like a gazelle, to the water and back to Alex, then back to the water. After a painfully slow journey, Alex finally put his feet on the dock at the water, and we all cheered. I hugged Alex and realized that one of my dreams had come true. When we learned early on that Alex might spend his life in a wheelchair, we immediate thought of our beloved lake and cried over how he would make it down to the water and enjoy being in one of the most peaceful places on earth. We knew we would make his path accessible, whatever that meant. This summer, thanks to Relf, we finally fulfilled that promise, and Alex did his part to work his body to make it down. We will never forget his first journey to the water.
Another moment happened last week. Alex's karate instructor, Sensei Bagwell, asked Alex to visit one of his classes, where he teaches high level belts. He wanted Alex to recite the names of the belts in Korean, forward and backward, to provide a lesson to his students that with some work, they might learn the belts. When we arrived, we thought we would just pop in, let Alex do his thing (his memory is phenomenal, and we think possibly photographic). But then Sensei started introducing Alex, and talked about when he first met Alex, and how far Alex has come with his karate and balance and use of his left side. He then asked his students who could recite the belts. A few raised their hands. Then he asked who could recite them backwards. Hands went down. Then he grabbed Alex, who giggled and grinned from ear to ear, in love with being in the spotlight. Loud and clear, Alex recited the belts forward and backward, quickly and accurately. Alex's natural charm and mastery of language shone in his spotlight. He chatted up Sensei and made a few comments to the class. He was adorable and amazing at the same time. We were all in tears. Sensei let me speak to the class about Alex's tough early start. As always, I emphasized the importance of exercise to the development of the brain and the body's ability to overcome physical limitations and I reminded the students that through hard work they would achieve anything they set their minds to do. Then we got into the car and came home.
"Wow, Alex," I said in the car. "Do you realize what a charmed life you live? You bring us these incredible moments, out of the blue, that Daddy and I will never forget."
Alex just fussed that he wanted to go back and join the karate class, completely oblivious that he had just knocked the socks off of everyone in the room. Then he fell asleep. It was nap time.
Because of Alex's disabilities, he has trouble getting up and down stairs, onto beds, chairs and couches, in and out of car seats. His ability to balance and move the needed muscles for these activities is limited. He improves every year, and thanks to his sister, Izzy, he sees what he could do with some courage and practice. Izzy says, "C'mon Alex! I'll show you how." Alex has long accepted that his sister is a phenomenal athlete and gifted climber and so doesn't take it personally that she is younger but more agile.
So, a couple weeks ago at our summer place in New Hampshire, we met up with Relf, the gentleman who built our stone walls and steps that lead down an incredibly steep hill from our deck to the waterfront. He had just finished this project, which had taken all summer and which we put off starting for years. In other words, years have gone by when we were unable to use our waterfront and, if we ventured down there for some reason, had to carry Alex while Izzy slowly made her way down. Relf, who built the stairs, had become a part of our family since he pretty much lived at the site all summer, working away with enormous rocks and stone steps, trying to finish before the season was completely over. It was our last weekend in NH for the year, and Alex had just turned 4.
We stood at the top of the deck and looked down at the water, and I suggested that Alex take his inaugural walk down all of the steps to the waterfront, without being held or supported in any way. Relf stood by collecting the last of his things. Alex started his journey. Scared at the height and the new steps he had to navigate, Alex gave some protest, but continued working his way slowly down a few dozen stairs, over the stone pathways between steps. Meanwhile, Izzy popped up and down the steps, like a gazelle, to the water and back to Alex, then back to the water. After a painfully slow journey, Alex finally put his feet on the dock at the water, and we all cheered. I hugged Alex and realized that one of my dreams had come true. When we learned early on that Alex might spend his life in a wheelchair, we immediate thought of our beloved lake and cried over how he would make it down to the water and enjoy being in one of the most peaceful places on earth. We knew we would make his path accessible, whatever that meant. This summer, thanks to Relf, we finally fulfilled that promise, and Alex did his part to work his body to make it down. We will never forget his first journey to the water.
Another moment happened last week. Alex's karate instructor, Sensei Bagwell, asked Alex to visit one of his classes, where he teaches high level belts. He wanted Alex to recite the names of the belts in Korean, forward and backward, to provide a lesson to his students that with some work, they might learn the belts. When we arrived, we thought we would just pop in, let Alex do his thing (his memory is phenomenal, and we think possibly photographic). But then Sensei started introducing Alex, and talked about when he first met Alex, and how far Alex has come with his karate and balance and use of his left side. He then asked his students who could recite the belts. A few raised their hands. Then he asked who could recite them backwards. Hands went down. Then he grabbed Alex, who giggled and grinned from ear to ear, in love with being in the spotlight. Loud and clear, Alex recited the belts forward and backward, quickly and accurately. Alex's natural charm and mastery of language shone in his spotlight. He chatted up Sensei and made a few comments to the class. He was adorable and amazing at the same time. We were all in tears. Sensei let me speak to the class about Alex's tough early start. As always, I emphasized the importance of exercise to the development of the brain and the body's ability to overcome physical limitations and I reminded the students that through hard work they would achieve anything they set their minds to do. Then we got into the car and came home.
"Wow, Alex," I said in the car. "Do you realize what a charmed life you live? You bring us these incredible moments, out of the blue, that Daddy and I will never forget."
Alex just fussed that he wanted to go back and join the karate class, completely oblivious that he had just knocked the socks off of everyone in the room. Then he fell asleep. It was nap time.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Value of the Week: Courage
The value of the week this week is courage. It is one of the children's favorites. They love to hear stories of how they find the courage to do this and that, and really can't get enough of it. But this week, we are talking about courage in terms of honesty, which was last week's value. Really, we are talking about character, and how it takes courage to build it.
Milk gets spilled, toys get broken and modeling clay gets embedded into the rugs. We are a house of children. There are times when I find myself getting angry about these issues. I say things like, "Who spilled the milk on the rug?" to which the guilty party honestly answers, "me", and then I lecture about not bringing milk into the living room. At three and four, you still tell the truth most of the time, because you haven't really learned to lie yet...but dishonesty is right around the corner, especially if you know you will be in trouble for telling the truth. So, I've had to work hard at staying calm. The new conversation goes, "Who spilled the milk on the rug?" and when someone says "me", I hug him or her and say "Thank you for telling the truth." Sometimes I even call Daddy, and let him praise the honest child for being honest. You really can rarely go too far in instilling values.
Milk gets spilled, toys get broken and modeling clay gets embedded into the rugs. We are a house of children. There are times when I find myself getting angry about these issues. I say things like, "Who spilled the milk on the rug?" to which the guilty party honestly answers, "me", and then I lecture about not bringing milk into the living room. At three and four, you still tell the truth most of the time, because you haven't really learned to lie yet...but dishonesty is right around the corner, especially if you know you will be in trouble for telling the truth. So, I've had to work hard at staying calm. The new conversation goes, "Who spilled the milk on the rug?" and when someone says "me", I hug him or her and say "Thank you for telling the truth." Sometimes I even call Daddy, and let him praise the honest child for being honest. You really can rarely go too far in instilling values.
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