Building Self-Esteem

We had a pretty large setback with Alex when he attended school this fall. Whatever had been going on there, and then happened on that one day he didn't get his snack, it did some serious emotional damage. For weeks now we have been dealing with the repercussions. He repeated what he says his teacher told him, that he is a "bad boy", and still acts out every time he says it. He still talks about not getting his snack that day, and he often asks me if I will feed him even if he is "bad". Grrrrr. Apart from being furious at the school, not to mention the director's insensitive and extremely unprofessional response to our withdrawing the kids, I am really saddened. We have done everything we know how to build Alex's self-esteem, to tell him that even if he can't do something right now by himself, like putting on his shoes when his younger sister zips through putting on hers, that he will get it. We talk in very adult terms about the weakness in his left hand, how proud we are of him for working so hard to make it stronger, and how one day, it will be just as strong as righty.

After listening to an excellent CD from Success Magazine's November 2010 issue, I have been inspired to add to my repertoire of exercises in self-esteem building. Part of the discussion centered around having families and children write down goals, for the family, for the year, academically, in extra curricular events, and in character building. It goes on to discuss how introducing children to the idea of earning money for things they want helps build their sense of self-worth. I listened to some of the ideas on how to implement both parts and came up with our version for children age 2-3. This morning, in Mommy School, we practiced what will become our evening ritual: picking up our toys and straightening up our rooms to earn one quarter which the kids get to put into their piggy banks. I let the kids help me come up with the chores, and which toys they would like to pick up. Then we practiced. Izzy picks up blocks. Alex takes care of little toys and trucks. Even on the first try, they did it and were thrilled to plop their quarters into their piggy banks.

Recently, Alex has been writing to Santa because he really wants some Thomas the Train toys, specifically two he saw in a magazine that came in the mail. I told him that Santa usually bring one big toy, but rarely two. He just can't fit it all on the sleigh. After our exercise in cleaning up toys, Alex said to me, "Mom, I think Santa won't bring my toys this year." I asked him why, FEARFUL he was going to relive his school experience and say that he is a "bad boy", and to my astonishment, he said, "Because Santa wants me to earn the money to buy them myself." Wow. Mommy School was pretty much over after that. There was no better lesson I could teach today.

But Mommy School really never ends...so then I made Alex and Izzy police officers to police the problems we have in our house. Small children, small problems, I know, and this is a good lesson in healthy habit-building for when we have larger children and larger problems, I hope. Alex uses bad words on occasion when he is angry. So, Alex is now the Word Police. His job is to be sure no one says bad words in the house, and to also encourage good words. I help him think of good words we can substitute for bad words, and for compliments we can make to one another in the family to make the other members feel good. Izzy is the Potty Police. She is responsible for helping everyone go pee-pee in the potty. The kids take their jobs very seriously. Erik is actually the one who gave me this idea. He had a problem kid when he volunteered during business school with at-risk kids. This kid would eat and steal the snacks that the whole group was supposed to share. So, he made this teenager the Snack Police (maybe he called it something else, Snack Manager? I don't know.), and this kid took his job very seriously. He made sure no one, not even himself, took the snacks.